WARNING! UNAUTHORIZED MSTING AHEAD!

*~*~*~*In The Coffeehouse*~*~*~*

Athena: Welcome all!

Prowdist: Welcome to the first chapter

Athena: of the first MiST

Together: of the most overrated fic in Sailor Moon Fandom!

Athena: We so desperately wanted to annoy someone, and with Princess Destiny going into retirement...

Prowdist: She says its because shes burnt out.

Together: We say its a blatant attempt to garner sympathy and demonstrates a complete lack of character. [high five]

Athena: And we arent alone.

Prowdist: But enough on that topic.

Athena: Onto the unauthorized MSTing bit...basically, we requested permission to MiST this fic, and Princess Destiny said no. And that means that this MiST will never be publicly posted, as we are playing nice.

Prowdist: And were not bitter...oh, of course not.

Athena: On a side note, as PD has now been rejected from ASMR

Prowdist: Not that she was welcome anywhere else...

Athena: We may just decide that frankly, my dear, we dont give a damn. But we ramble.

Prowdist: ROLE EM!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Disclaimer: We dont own this fan-fic. Princess Destiny does, and she is welcome to it. We are...borrowing it for entertainment purposes. Neither do we own any of the Sailor Moon characters. 

Spin The Bottle, Book 1

By Princess Destiny

princessdestiny@hotmail.com

The sun was just beginning to set

Athena: [singing] Sunrise, sunset...(1)

on the horizon

Rei: As opposed to what?

Minako: Its not possible...

Makoto: But I believe we have...

Ami: A STATEMENT OF THE OBVIOUS on our hands!

Athena: And it only took 10 words.

Prowdist: A new record!

as the three best friends

Prowdist: Got into a roaring cat fight, thereby eliminating the need for this fic...

sat outside the 'Crown Game Center', eating an early dinner.

Ami: There is a set time for dinner?

Athena: Someone call the Press!

Usagi reached out to stir her straw about in the thick-shake

Minako: Is that a word?

Makoto: Thick-shake? The hyphen would indicate yes.

Athena: Get Sailor Spell Check in here on the double!(2)

glass, expression bored. The chocolate milkshake spat up bubbles,

Athena: DEMON MILKSHAKE!

Minako: Demon milkshake? Where?!

Ami: Run for your lives!

for the moment grabbing her

Minako: There are so many ways to end that sentence.

Rei: Sensory...overload...

attention.

Prowdist: That is not one of the words I thought of.

Athena: Surprise, surprise...

["I am SOOOOO bored!"]

Athena: What IS it with fic authors drawing out letters like that?

Makoto: [aims at the extra Os] Target practice.

She thought, rolling her blue eyes towards Makoto.

The brunette

Prowdist: Though not a specific brunette.

Athena: Just a random one we hauled in off the street.

Rei: Some people will do anything for 20 bucks...

was slumped in her chair over the table, eating a thick hamburger.

Minako: Not a thin hamburger.

Ami: Thin is not an adequately descriptive adjective.

Makoto: We love descriptive adjectives yes we do!

Rei: We all love them, how about... [thwack]

Athena: [brandishing a pike] Down, girls.

"NOT as good as mine"

Rei: And such modesty.

Makoto sighed, taking another bite. She swallowed

Prowdist: Sighs AND swallows? What a deal!

Makoto: Dont push it, jocko.

and licked her lips lightly, eyes thoughtful. "Well, maybe. Motoki makes a mean burger"

Athena: We interrupt this broadcast...

Ami: To announce that the Crown Arcade has been mysteriously taken over by mean burgers and demon milkshakes.

Minako: Please remain calm.

Rei: This is not a test.

"Anything he does is great"

Prowdist: Promise?

Usagi agreed dreamily, looking to their left. Through the arcade window, they could see Motoki at the counter, serving people.

Makoto: Which makes sense, seeing as how that is his *job* and all.

The place had been so packed that Usagi, Makoto and Ami decided to sit outside.

Rei: Um, good?

Minako: They were sitting outside when this whole thing began, werent they?

Athena: Indeed they were.

Minako: Has my intelligence just been insulted?

Prowdist: Get used to it. We still have 20 chapters to go. And thats just Book 1.

"I knew you'd say that, Usagi"

Ami: You little psychic, you.

Prowdist: [with accent] Call Miss Cleo now, for your free reading!

Makoto grinned at her blonde friend in

Rei: Chagrin?

amusement.

Rei: Damn.

She looked across the table at Ami, eyebrows rising. "Ami, come on!" Makoto protested, reaching out to pry the thick book from Ami's startled fingers.

Prowdist: [as index finger] Damn those finger puppets...

The book fell to the table w3ith a thump.

Athena: Having failed to communicate with words, PD thought shed throw in a few archaic symbols.

Prowdist: Oh, lets take a leaf from one of her reviews and call her PuD.

"You CAN'T do homework on a Friday, girl!"

Minako: Its not just safer...

All: Its the Law!

"Uh huh!" Usagi said, eyes glinting with

Ami: Repressed homicidal rage?

excitement.

Ami: I like mine better.

Athena: As do we all.

"It's a Friday-which means you get to hang out with all your very best friends.

Minako: I feel as if we have stepped into a Disney time warp.

Prowdist: Run for you life! Its the corporate M.O.U.S.E.

And have FUN!"

Athena and Prowdist: Kegger at PuDs place.

"I AM having fun, really guys" Ami protested, blushing.

Prowdist: And you thought that was a textbook...

As if to prove her point, she reached out and snagged a fry from Makoto's brimming plate

Athena: Look at all the descriptive adjectives Mommy!

and popped it into her mouth. "See?" She told them, smiling.

Prowdist: Kill that capital S

Athena: Die, you attacker of grammatical accuracy!

Usagi and Makoto quickly exchanged

Minako: Drug money?

Rei: Plans for an international conspiracy?

a glance. "Sure Ami, like a fry is going to liven up the evening!"

Athena: Cynical you are, grasshopper.

Usagi said, shaking her head. She frowned in thought,

Rei: Hey! How come Usa gets to develop manga like traits in this blatant dub AR?

Athena: Because PuD likes Usa better than she likes you.

then looked out into the crowded streets.

"And WHERE is Rei exactly?!"

Rei: Holding a protest somewhere far, far away from PuD.

Ami: Why dont we screen these things?

Athena: And leave us out of a job? Heartless...

She demanded, sinking back into her chair.

Prowdist: Indefinite pronouns...

Athena: You only get to condemn three things to hell in this chapter.

Prowdist: ...are the banes of my existence. 

Usagi crossed her arms, looking annoyed.

Minako: Join the club, sugar.

Ami: Where are those new member pamphlets?

"She said that she'd BE here. Just calm down Usagi"

Athena: And the comma is...where, exactly?

Makoto: It was seen making for the Mexican border.

Makoto suggested. She cast a rueful glance at Ami.

Minako: Rue that glance, Makoto.

Prowdist: Rue it like theres no tomorrow.

"Right" Ami agreed, looking absently down at her book, which was just out of her reach and close to a watchful Makoto.

Rei: Ten bucks says the secret of life is in that book.

Ami: Naturally. And it is doubtless being withheld from me to prevent me from creating a dimensional void...

Makoto: Ah, an interesting plot twist...how I miss them...

Sometimes it amazed her how much she had changed since meeting the other Senshi.

Minako: [as a submarine sailor] We have a cliché sentence within range captain!

Prowdist: [as submarine captain] Fire at will.

Athena: A hit! A very palpable hit!(3)   

Once upon a time, NOTHING could have pried her from her studies!

Ami: You dont say...

Makoto: No character development for you.

"Well, I think that she should be here by now!" Usagi announced, slurping down the rest of her shake noisily.

Athena: She ate the demon milkshake.

Rei: [hums a funeral dirge]

Her eyes flickered to the right and past another table as hasty movement caught her attention. She raised her head to see a dark-haired girl bolting quickly

Athena: Is it possible to bolt any other way?

Minako: Dont forget that nine year olds love this fan-fic.

Rei: Pandering to the intelligence of a younger generation. Tsk, tsk.

down the sidewalk towards them. "Speaking of!"

Ami: Rush Limbaugh?

Rei: Kevin Spacey?

Makoto: Al Gore?

Minako: Julia Roberts?

Prowdist: The Devil?

Usagi drawled. Rei skidded to a halt, dodged around a couple of table and arrived at their table-side,

Minako: Ladies and gentleman, we are witnessing an extraordinary event here.

Athena: The creation of a new, and entirely hyphenated, language!

 panting breathlessly. "Sorry I'm late"! Rei gasped, bending over.

Prowdist: Hot damn! This is getting better and better!

Rei: [sparks igniting in her hair]

Athena: Shes gonna blow! 

"Did you run all the way here, Rei?" Ami said, eyes wide.

Makoto: [snorts] No, she walked.

Minako: Surprising though, that a dreaded statement of the obvious should come from Ami.

Athena: No depth. None.

"Uh huh" Rei straightened, flinging her head back.

Ami: Smacking her head on against the table...

Rei: And mercifully losing consciousness...

She gasped a little more, then thankfully sank into a spare chair

Prowdist: How clever. A little rhyme.

Athena: In the to be posted version, this next bit was omitted. But now that we arent going to post it, well leave it in.

Rei: There once was a writer named PuD

Makoto: Whose fan-fic was mostly a dud

Minako: She gave up the fight

Ami: To learn how to write

Athena: And now sits around drinking Bud!

Prowdist: Please note that it is bad form to actually mock the author in MiSTs. We know this. But we just couldnt resist.

Athena: If we cant post this, we are damn well going to dig at her! But we promise not to do it again.

Minako: Dont make promises you cant keep.

Athena and Prowdist: Thank you Mary Poppins.

next to Ami. "All the way from Mamoru's apartment" Her eyes glittered. "He's totally loaded you know, you guys!

Prowdist: Urge to kill bad grammarrisingrising(4)

Athena: Gratuitous wordage. [twitch]

 It was amazing. He's got ALL of the newest high-tech stuff.

Makoto: So *thats* where all our nuclear weaponry went...

Ami: Were going to have to tie that boy to the top of a flagpole again.

A motorbike, a FERRARI-and wow, is his apartment big"

Prowdist: He is compensating.

Athena: No comment.

The Priestess in training

Minako: Keeping secrets, Rei?

Makoto: In training to do what?

Rei: Someone has to know how to use all that weaponry. Once we get it back from Mamoru, that is

bragged, flicking a sideways glance at Usagi.

Usagi sat thee,

Prowdist: Rei, thou art slain!

Rei: Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Usagi!(5)

Athena: Please note that Hamlet is the play of the chapter.

fuming. At any mention of Chiba Mamoru's name, fury filled her. "THAT creep?"

Prowdist: [as Captain Ahab] The clichéd characters took me leg!

 Usagi exploded, thumping a fist onto the table. She half-rose, towering over the rest of them.

Athena: Usagi-zilla!

Makoto: Get out of here, before Mamo-thra arrives!(6)

 "What were you doing there?

Minako: Participating in the Super Mario Brothers World Cup.

Ami: Watching the Die Hard movie marathon on TNT.

And I suppose that HE'S the reason that you're late?" The blonde accused, pointing a finger in Rei's face.

The dark-haired girl

Minako: Moving in for the kill

brushed Usagi's finger aside coolly, eyes half-closing.

Makoto: Denied!

Ami: Did the temperature just drop?

Athena: Congratulations Rei. You are once again the first season bitch.

She glanced through her lashes in satisfaction.

Prowdist: It was so silly of us to expect actual character exploration.

Athena: Next well be looking for plot consistency. And plausibility.

Ami: Tut tut tut.

"I thought that would be your reaction, Usagi. Jealous?"

Rei: I am simply blown away by the originality of that statement

Rei suggested quietly.

Minako: What?

Makoto: No jealous rage? No bitter diatribe?

Ami: PuD, you disappoint us.

"JEALOUS?!" Usagi shouted,

Athena: Thats right, Usa. Allow your rage healthy outlets.

face flushing with anger. "Of YOU? Of that JERK?!

Ami: [blowing a whistle] You, jerk, out of the gene pool!

Rei: Give it time.

No way!" She

Prowdist: The all mighty She

sank back into her chair, pouting. "No way" She repeated.

Makoto: Ought we infer from the capitalization of s that Usagi is God?

Ami: That is a terrifying thought.

Rei: Never say it again.

Makoto: Ill let it pass that there isnt a comma before the quotation marks.

Minako: A wise decision.

"Sounds like to me, Usagi" Rei said silkily, still smiling with satisfaction.

"You're just jealous that I have a boyfriend and you are all on your own"

Minako: And what a paragon of virtue and stability he is.

Athena: Got a real winner on your hands there, Rex.

"Whaaaaaaat?"

Rei: Bowling for letters!

All: [line up with bowling balls and hurl them toward the extra as]

Athena: STRIKE!

Usagi looked horrified.

Makoto: I feel your pain, girl.

"Who could be jealous of the girlfriend of that creep?" She wondered aloud. ["Not ME, that's for sure!"]

"Usagi!" Rei growled, thumping a hand onto the table.

Athena: Arm wrestling, after all, solves every dispute.

Minako: Hey, Rei and Usagi are going to duke it out!

"Guys, please!" Ami pleaded,

Makoto: Just when things were getting interesting.

a hand over her eyes wearily.

All: [blinking]

Athena: [opens her mouth, then shakes her head] No, I cant.

Rei: If you look at that sentence long enough, it gets blurry and twists coherent thought into interesting origami-like shapes.

"Didn't we come out tonight to have fun together?

Athena: Grab him!

All except Prowdist: [dive for Prowdist and clamp their hand over his mouth]

Prowdist: [blinks innocently]

Rei is here now"

Minako: [singing] The fun has arrived!(7)

"Right" Makoto said, getting to her feet. She grinned around at them all.

Athena: There is something vaguely wrong with that sentence.

Ami: It doesnt seem to flow across the tongue.

Prowdist: So silly, letting basic fourth grade grammar get in the way of enjoying this masterpiece of an epic.

"And it's Friday night late shopping!"

Athena: A big round of applause for your host

Minako: Bob Hope!

Makoto: [holds up a flashing applause sign]

She thrust a hand up into the air. "Who's with me!"

Rei: I AM!

Ami: I AM!

Minako: I AM!

Makoto: I AM!

Athena: [singing] Kill the Beast! Kill the Beast! (8)

"I am!" The three other girls chorused happily, getting to their feet.

"I wanted to look at that totally cool

Athena: Im sexy!

Minako: Im cute!

Rei: Im popular to boot!

Prowdist: Those arent spirit fingers

All: THESE are spirit fingers! (9)

new dress shop that opened on the second floor" Usagi exclaimed.

"Oh yeah? Where?"

Makoto: Um

Minako: Someone hasnt been paying attention.

Athena: No gold star for you!

Rei said with interest.

The girls all walked away

Minako: From the horrendous youma induced blaze...

Rei: Which spread behind them...

Makoto: Encompassing the Crown Arcade and an entire city block.

from their table and headed down the street, gathered closely together.

All: [singing] Lean on me, when youre not strong...

There was nothing like a good shop to have fun!

Prowdist: You cant have a shop.

Athena: Its like eat, a noun.

Ami: You cant have an eat.

Rei: Why do we bother?

2 hours later, they were all slumped around another table

Athena: They fight the forces of evil every night...

Rei: In short skirts, and heels, and with long hair...

Ami: But two hours of shopping...

Minako: Thatll take anyone out.

inside the shopping mall. Bags were piled around their feet, overflowing with clothes and things.

Ami: Random junk, you know.

Makoto: Extra RAM.

Minako: Incendiary devices.

Rei: High tech communication equipment. 

Prowdist: Sex toys.

Usagi rested a giant pink bunny on her lap, playing absently with its floppy ears.

Minako: It would be too much to ask for her to buy a different sort of stuffed animal now and then, wouldnt it?

Ami: Perhaps a dinosaur?

Makoto: Or a dog, if you wish to stick to mammals. We wouldnt want you to hurt yourself.

Rei watched with amusement. "I knew you couldn't resist that rabbit, Usagi"

"It's so cuuuuute,

Makoto: Eliminate the Excess Letters!

Rei: Round Three!

All: DING!

Makoto: Archery.

All: [start shooting arrows at the extra us]

[Three minutes later]

Athena: They look like porcupines.

Prowdist: Are they dead?

 Rei" Usagi crooned, adjusting the large white bow around the bunny's neck.

Prowdist: Its a pink bunny with a white bow and huge ears. Im in Hell.

"What are you going to call it?" Makoto wondered, staring at the giant bunny with a strange expression.

Minako: If there is another way to look at a bunny that fits the above description, Id love to hear about it.

"Tuxedo Kamen-Bunny?" Rei suggested with a smirk.

Athena: Wheres a knife? Wheres a KNIFE?

"Very funny" Usagi gritted, glaring at her friend. "It's a SHE bunny!"

Rei: Isnt that remarkable?

"Sailor M-" Rei began again, eyes wickedly glinting.

"No! Don't even SAY it, you pyro!" Usagi yelled, accidentally ditching the bunny

Makoto: Good plan.

off of her lap.

Ami: Out of curiosity, how does one *ditch* something *off* their lap?

Prowdist: [begins banging his head against the arm of his chair]

It hit the floor, then rolled up against a pair of expensive black shoes.

Rei: Why *expensive* black shoes?

Athena: You expected ordinary black shoes? Plain old shoes in a fic like this?

Minako: Never say it!

The girls-who had all followed it progress with curiosity-

Ami: Which makes sense.

Makoto: Whod want to jump up and run after something like that?

all looked up simultaneously.

Minako: Choreographed glances.

Ami: Now add harmonized song...

Athena: And a little jazz number

All: ENTERTAIN US, DAMMIT!

Usagi's eyes trailed up over the black shiny shoes,

Prowdist: Thank you ever so for clearing up the color of the shoes for us.

Athena: Without that crucial detail, we would no doubt have been unable to continue reading this.

over black slacks, a black turtle-neck

Rei: Its a...a...a...

Minako: MIME!

and a familiar green jacket. Her eyebrows drew together, a thunderous expression forming on her pretty face. "Mamoru!" She growled, finally looking into his face.

All: [chanting] Go, Fight, WIN!

Athena: [distributes microphones and commentator visors]

"Odango Atama!" Mamoru said teasingly, eyes amused.

Prowdist: Hes coming in for the opening dig...

"Oh, Mamoru" Rei said, sounding surprised and glad. "What are you doing here? I thought that you had a 'thing' to do tonight?" She glanced at him inquiringly.

Athena: The opening shot is intercepted by another party...

Usagi reached down for her giant bunny, which Mamoru obligingly kicked lightly in her direction with one shoe.

Ami: Hes trying to rally

"DON'T kick my bunny!"

All: HE SCORES!

Minako: The referees say its good. The petty insult trading may commence. First contact has been made.

Usagi said, hastily grabbing the bunny. She held it to her chest defensively, as if it had been a real animal and Mamoru a hunter.

Ami: Look at the cute little metaphor.

Prowdist: [gags]

"I should have KNOWN that it would be YOUR bunny, Odango" Mamoru taunted, rolling his eyes. "It's as silly-looking as you!"

All: [gathered in a huddle]

Makoto: Ill grab the hyphen. Athena, take the silly. Minako, you take the looking. Make sure you pry them apart so that I have a free dash. Ready?

All: BREAK!

"WHAT? You take that back, Chiba!"

Prowdist: Take it back to the Land of Fic Long Forgotten!

Athena: Go! And do not fail us!

Usagi yelled, getting to her feet hurriedly. Once more, the bunny

Makoto: PULL!

went flying,

Makoto: Sparkling Wide Pressure!

landing on the floor between them.

Makoto: Damn. I missed.

Rei: My turn. [aims]

Mamoru rolled his eyes, then bent over gracefully and picked up the bunny.

Athena: No Rei! Dont! Youll hit

Prowdist: Just let her do whatever makes her happy.

Rei: Burning Mandala!

All: [watch as the flaming rings head toward the bunny]

He raised it easily to his face, staring at the dark beady eyes.

Ami: Negative impact. I repeat, negative impact.

Minako: What do we have to do to *kill* the damn thing?

Athena: Maybe its one of those pillars that support the universe, and if we destroyed it then the Earth as we know it would be sucked into a cross dimensional time storm.

Prowdist: No more espresso for you.

"Yep" he said, laughing. "It's eyes are as vacant as yours, Odango Atama!"

Ami: Make it stop! Make the name-calling stop!

Minako: Someone get CREATIVITY on the phone.(11)

Rei: We have a Code Blue on our hands. Repeat Code Blue.

Prowdist: Can I just shoot the apostrophe?

"Creep! My name is USAGI!"

Rei: Thank you for clearing that up.

Ami: Creep? My, my, we are moving into uncharted waters in this fight.

Minako: Such devastating terms. How will poor Mamoru ever be able to live with this shame?

The blonde shouted, snatching at the bunny.

Mamoru held on for a moment,

Minako: You have to wonder what he stashed in that bunny when we werent watching. 

eyes mocking. ["How much does she want this bunny?"] He wondered laughingly

Prowdist: Technically, I suppose that is grammatically correct.

Athena: Technically. Just mock the capitalized h after the little bracket. Its almost as fun.

as Usagi tried unsuccessfully to pry it from his stronger hands.

"Let go-!" Usagi began furiously. When Mamoru complied unexpectedly, the blonde flew

Athena: Think lovely thoughts

All: We can fly, we can fly, we can fly!

Prowdist: To quote Nathan Lane, Walt Disney would be smiling now

Rei: If he werent frozen solid.

backwards, bunny in her arms. "Arrggggggh~!"

Rei: [rolls her eyes]

Ami: This just keeps happening.

Athena, Makoto, Minako and Prowidst: [start throwing baseballs at the extra letters]

Makoto: I hit the ~!

Athena: Please advance to the bonus round.

Usagi shrieked,

Rei: [as Usagi] Curses! Foiled again!

falling back over her chair. She ended up half on the floor, legs flung over her chair and skirt riding up on her legs unexpectedly.

Minako: Dont let her fool you. This is all a carefully constructed plan to drive us all insane.

Makoto: Can we just draw a little roadmap of this fic and get it over with?

Ami: Predictability. There is only so much of it we can take.

Mamoru blinked, then looked away.

Minako: Good little Victorian gentleman[snorts]

"Er-sorry about that"

All: Sure you are.

Athena: Dont worry. We believe you.

Rei: Really. We do.

He muttered, trying to wipe the vision of an amazing pair of slender legs

Athena: [slaps duct tape over Prowdists mouth]

from his mind. ["She's fourteen. What am I thinking?"]

Athena: [sets up the MIND SCAN equipment]

All: [watch as Mamorus STB thoughts are projected onto a nearby screen]

Ami: Whoa there!

Athena: Is that a whip?

Prowdist: Whats with the Mardi Gras beads?

Athena: Im looking at the hard shell chocolate...

Minako: Is that possible?

Makoto: Not all at once

Rei: Over share. Over share!

Mamoru asked himself, frowning.

Athena: You shouldnt be.

Prowdist: With those thoughts, my friend, you should be smiling all the time.

He decided to ignore the blonde,

Ami: Indefinite pronouns[shudders]

Prowdist: Memories of The Arabian Prince

Athena: Wheres the morphine?

turning instead to Rei. "The 'thing' I had tonight was a party, Rei" He turned around to the table behind him, reaching out for

Makoto: A guiding hand in this cold, cruel world.

Rei: A deeper understanding of his spirituality.

Ami: Psychiatric help.

a couple of bags.

Minako: We are so bad at that.

Athena: Ah, the curse of original thought.

Usagi struggled up from her undignified position with Makoto's help, fuming.

Prowdist: Go with that feeling.

Athena: Embrace your anger.

Rei: Understand its root.

Her face was red from anger and embarrassment and the bunny had caused more problems than happiness!

Rei: Sweetie pie, its a giant pink bunny. What did you expect?

"Jerk" She muttered, brushing off the back of her skirt and glaring at Mamoru's profile.

Athena: There is never a Gorgon around when you need one.

Prowdist: I heard theyre all taking a vacation...

Her eyes flittered over the bags in his hands, from which some delicious smells were emanating. "Oooh. What's in the bags?" She exclaimed, thrusting the bunny at Makoto

Makoto: IVE GOT IT!

Prowdist: Well, open it up and get the stuff out.

Athena: Quick, while they arent watching.

[a pause]

Minako: Hey! My night vision goggles!

Rei: My explosives! My fireworks!

Makoto: I have been wondering where that Kevlar ended up

Ami: Has anyone seen the control pad that goes with this rocket launcher?

and hurrying to Mamoru's side. She leaned over near his chest, peering into the first bag. "Chips!" She squealed.

"There aren't for you,

Athena: I believe that our only option at this juncture is to watch.

Ami: And mock.

Minako: And laugh.

Odango" Mamoru's voice came from just over her head. He sounded amused and exasperated.

All: Impressive.

Ami: Amused

Minako: And exasperated

Makoto: At the same time

Prowdist: I think you are missing the basic point here.

Athena: Theres a point? Where?

"They're for the party tonight"

"What party? YOU have friends?!"

Rei: Now that the first season is out on DVD, everyone has Friends.

Athena: That was a bad, bad pun.

Rei: What, PuD has an exclusive license for thinking them up?

 Usagi straightened hurriedly, stunned. ["The cold jerk has friends?"] Her eyes met Mamoru's which were just centimers

Ami: I cant stand it.

Minako: Centimer? What the hell is a centimer?

Makoto: Like a centipede, but it lives in water.

Rei: A sport, played in small countries. All that is required is a coconut, a sharp stick and three pounds of black licorice.

above hers. She blinked and backed off slightly, aware of just how close they had been.

Mamoru similarly blinked and gave her a strange look.

Makoto: Oh look. They are attracted to each other.

Minako: Isnt that sweet?

Athena: Adorable.

Ami: But they cant admit it.

Rei: Oh no. They are supposed to *hate* each other.

Prowdist: [gags]

Athena: Hon, just eat your chocolate covered espresso beans. 

Then he grinned. "Yes, I have friends, Odango Atama. From Collage.

Ami: Collage, a town in northern Ohio.

Rei: No wonder Mamorus so messed up.

It's a Collage party

Makoto: MODGE-PODGE!

All: [run for magazines and clipboards]

Minako: Who has that giant picture of Anthony Hopkins?

Rei: Hold on. Look at the context of the sentence.

All: [blink]

Athena: Oh, PuD meant COLLEGE! Not collage...

Prowdist: [collapses in a fit of laughter]

to celebrate the end of the exams" He

Athena: God.

Ami: Allah.

Rei: Buddha.

Makoto: Or any other entity whom you may regard as higher than yourself.

Minako: Should you choose to believe in one.

gave a sigh of great relief, glancing skyward. "And boy, am I glad they're over!"

"A party Mamoru? How exciting" Rei exclaimed, eyes brightening. "Can I come?" she belatedly remembered her friends and changed her plee.

Ami: That isnt even a word.

Athena: Is it too much to ask for a spell and grammar check?

 "Can WE come?"

Rei: Just follow the red and green squiggly lines.

Makoto: See them marching across your page?

Minako: They wish to aide you on your quest for originality and vision.

"Sorry, Rei" Mamoru said, shaking his head.

Ami: He despairs of us. We are lost.

Athena: Abandon ship!

He hefted the bags in his hands, preparing to leave.

All: Take us with you.

Athena: At least we still have the thermo-nuclear weapons

"This party is for older students. Everyone there will be at least 18 years old"

"Older men?" Makoto yelled, eyes wide with delight. She moved closer to Mamoru. "Oh please! This is my chance"

Ami: But a chance at what, we are forced to question.

Rei: Tsk tsk. You dirty tramp.

"Are you kidding, Makoto?" He said, dark blue eyes surprised. "These guys are way to old for you guys.

Prowdist: [singing] Redundant! Redundant! This fic is redundant! (10)

You're only fourteen"

"YOU date Rei!" Makoto accused.

 

Mamoru looked uncomfortable. "That's different. Rei and I-we have fun together"

Prowdist: Yeah. We know.

Athena: Funyup, thats what Id call it.

Ami: Is that some sort of code word?

Minako: For what? Meet me in the alley at midnight?

Makoto: Minako, are you playing with that code-cracking microchip?

He tilted his face towards Rei, smiling. "But we're just friends. Rei knows that, right?" He asked her.

Athena: The capitalization isnt getting better. It seems to plateau at this point.

Only Usagi and the other girls saw how pale Rei's face went, expression deflating.

Minako: Just like a hot air balloon. Pfft.

Makoto: Crying, dying, and moving the hell on all ready!

 "Umm-" She hesitated, then smiled shakily. "Right. Sure-I

Prowdist: Attack of the Hyphens!

All: [hum the Imperial March]

do, Mamoru. Just friends" Rei murmured. "Go-have fun. Okay? And I'll call you on Monday"

"Sure. I'll look forward to it" Mamoru smiled wider, turning to look at Usagi. "Don't accost anyone with that bunny on the way home, Odango"

Ami: Using what? We emptied it, didnt we?

Makoto: I think we may have left the three hole punch.

Minako: Why did we have that in the first place?

Ami: For organizational purposes.

He advised. "You couldn't afford to pay damage bills"

"Who asked you? Go away!" Usagi told him haughtily, slipping back into her chair. She completely ignored him, eyes on a pale Rei. The girl sank into the chair across from Usagi, eyes bleak. ["Oh, poor Rei. She must have had no idea"] Usagi thought, heart clenching. She cast a furious glare at Mamoru. ["How dare he do this to her!"]

Athena: All right. So Mamoru is a heartless bastard with ice water running through his veins. The point is dead. It lies broken and bleeding on the street. Can we move on?

Prowdist: No. The eighteen-wheeler hasnt run the point over as yet. Wait for it.

He met her gaze squarely, seeming startled at her heated glare. "Well, I'll see you all around!" He looked down at the watch on his wrist,

Rei: Ignoring the one on his upper arm

Minako: And the one strapped securely to his ankle

blue eyes widening. "Oh jeez, I'm late for my own party! I hope Motoki is there already"

"Motoki?" Makoto said, unheard. Her green eyes brightened mischievously.

"See you!" Mamoru called out, striding away.

The girls were all silent until he had disappeared into the crowd,

Makoto: Walked away, ladies and gentlemen, just walked away

then they all exchanged a glance.

"Oh, Rei!" Usagi exclaimed, sliding her hand across the table. She gripped Rei's cold hands tightly, trying to convey comfort to the silent girl.

"I'm really sorry, Rei" Ami said sincerely.

"Yeah, me too. I really thought you guys had something going on there" Makoto put

All: [throw a net over the fragment]

Minako: Its a live one!

Athena: Now hold it still so Prowdist can get a fix on it

Makoto: Whats he using?

Rei: A few of those weapons we found inside the bunny.

in. She looked at Rei thoughtfully. "But maybe-we can do something to bring you CLOSER?" She suggested lightly.

Minako: There goes Makoto, always the devious schemer.

Rei: What could she possibly be up to now?

Prowdist: Perhaps we should consult the sacred Runes

The girls looked at her, eyes curious.

"How?" Rei said slowly.

Athena: [shakes her magic 8 ball] The answer is unclear

"Well-" Makoto began. "YOU know where Mamoru lives-right? What if we were to just 'drop in' to the party tonight?"

All: NO!

Minako: Crash a party with older men, junk food and possibly alcohol?

Rei: Im shocked. Just shocked. Whered the Smirnoffs go?

Athena: Prowdist is rationing it out.

"Drop in?" Usagi said, amazed. "You want to

Minako: Waste our rappelling equipment to break into that party?

 go to that jerk's party, Makoto?"

"Motoki is there" Makoto reminded Usagi. "Oh and LOTS of food and older guys! It should be a blast!"

Rei looked doubtful. "I don't know, Makoto. He said that we were only friends" Her head lowered. "Too old for us, he said. 18 year olds. HE'S 18!"

Makoto: Where are those night vision goggles? This inanity might look better in shades of green.

Prowdist: Im nearly certain it will say exactly the same thing it does now.

Makoto: Its a question of aesthetics.

Athena: At this point, Ill try anything.

[a long silence]

Rei: This is slightly more interesting.

Minako: Where did we get these?

Makoto: Ebay. Like everyone else.

"Oh, give it a chance, Rei" Ami said, surprising them all. "It could be, that he just doesn't know all of you. Show him your party side"

"It could work" Usagi said slowly, nibbling on her lip. She shot everyone a nervous look. ["This is for Rei though"]

Ami: First she hates Rei, then shes willing to go that extra mile for her.

Minako: Attending that party should be a real hardship.

Makoto: Cry me a river.

She thought slowly. "I think that we should DO it!" She announced, grinning mischievously.

Rei smiled slowly. "Really, Usagi?" She said with surprise and delight. "I didn't think that you'd go for it. Because you hate Mamoru and all"

Minako: Im running out of barbs.

Ami: Im developing a migraine.

Makoto: Oh, come now. Weve only been at it for thirty pages.

Prowdist: It just keeps repeating.

Rei: It goes on and on, my friends!

Athena: [sings] We shall overcome

"Nah!" Usagi waved a hand dismissively. "I can just stay away from the jerk all night, while YOU get closer!"

"It's a plan then!" Makoto said triumphantly. She looked down at her green overalls and pink shirt. "We aren't really dressed for a party though and we LOOK fourteen.

Rei: Isnt it amazing that you tend to appear fourteen when you are fourteen?

 What we need is to go home and dress up, then put on a little makeup" She said, thinking ahead.

"I can't go home!" Usagi suddenly wailed. "I'm supposed to be staying over at Ami's. And I only have my bunny pj's at her house!"

"Stop the wailing, Usagi!" Ami commanded, closing her eyes and wincing. "Look, we won't tell Luna if you use the disguise pen just this once"

Rei: You rebel you. Someone grab Ami a leather jacket and a Harley. She is breaking the mold!

"All right! The disguise pen. I'd forgotten all about that" Makoto said, grinning widely. She leaned closer to the blonde. "You can make yourself older and totally hot! But don't steal all the guys! Leave a few for me...And Motoki!"

"Motoki?" Usagi stared hard at the brunette.

"Sure" Makoto reasoned. "Rei can have Mamoru. I can have Motoki-and if Tuxedo Kamen happens to turn up, he's yours"

"Tuxedo Kamen!" Usagi said, dreamily. "Do you think he'll be-MAKOTO!" Usagi finished on an angry tone.

Athena: Wouldnt it be more correct to say finished on an angry note?

Minako: Or finished in an angry tone.

Prowdist: This announcement brought to you by your friendly, neighborhood grammar Nazis.

 "As IF he'd turn up at that jerk's apartment!"

Makoto giggled. "Sorry, sorry. I couldn't help it. But there will be plenty of guys there, Usagi!"

"It should be fun" Ami said. She touched a finger to her chin, eyes distant. "And I can take a book if I'm bored..."

Athena: Didnt see that one coming.

Prowdist: Is it just me, or are our responses to these horrible clichés getting repetitive?

Rei: Theres only so many times that we can mock them.

Makoto: On the plus side, however, none of us has embarked on a vodka driven drinking binge.

Minako: Dont give her any ideas.

"WHAT?!" Usagi, Makoto and Rei shouted at her.

"Don't be silly, Ami!" Usagi said, horrified. "You CAN'T take a book to a PARTY! Tell her Makoto!"

Athena: Why all the caps? Whatever happened to good old fashioned bold?

Prowdist: What is this world coming to?

"She's right" Makoto said firmly. "NO books"

"Have a little fun" Rei got to her feet. "You and Makoto go to your houses and change, then come over to my place. I'll take Usagi with me" She suggested.

Rei: And after I frame her for the random destruction of a world power and steal that translator device, I'll be right along.

The others got to their feet quickly, grinning with excitement.

"Party crashing!" Makoto gloated, rubbing her hands together. She grabbed her bags, then Ami's hand. "Come on, Ami!"

Makoto: Sound off!

Ami: One, two..

"Let's go, Usagi" Rei ordered, picking up her bags in one hand the giant bunny in the other.

Ami: Good. Those beedy eyes were starting to get to me.

Minako: I keep telling you. The bunny had plans to take over the world with that arsenal stored inside him. Now hes back to being disturbing.

Rei: Life is just full of these ups and downs. One day youre the next Genghis Kahn, the next, youre

Makoto: Lunch.

Usagi picked up her bags and trailed after the dark-haired girl, wondering if she was going to enjoy the party after all. They WERE going for Rei-but that jerk would be there! "But so is Motoki" She said aloud. Usagi grinned. "All's fair in love and war! Makoto can share him!"

Athena: Thats it.

Makoto: The End?

Ami: As in, we dont have to listen to this IQ sucking drivel any longer?

Prowdist: And just for playing, you get a lifetime supply of tuna fish!

Athena: That was terrifying.

Rei: I could feel my intelligence pulling away from me.

Minako: She actually wrote an epic based on this?

Makoto: Even better. People actually like this premise and all the rambling pointless inanity riddled with plot twists that follows.

Athena: I fear for our fandom.

The Footnotes Time Forgot

(1) Fiddler on the Roof

(2) See Read the Bitchs Email at http://ficbitch.wishing-blue.net/

(3) Hamlet Act V, Scene II

(4) Obscure reference to The Shining

(5) Hamlet Act V, Scene II

(6) Another obscure reference to the really old Godzilla movies. We like them.

(7) Tarzan the Disney-fied version

(8) Beauty and the Beast Disney

(9) Bring It On [damn these footnotes are getting long]

(10) Forbidden Broadway reference. [we really need to tone down the pop culture references]

(11) In reference to Wreaker of Havocs personality splinters. Read the MiSTd version of Bored Now! another piece of PuD drivel, brought to you by the lovely and talented Wreaker.